reader's block

i took this photo in august. it's a swallowtail instar that just shed its skin, 

beginning the next phase of its caterpillar life.

i have bought so many many books over the last 365 days—way more than usual. there are stacks of novels on the coffee table, more stacks on my bedside table, and yet more in my little improvised office/yoga corner/art table. but... lately, i just haven't been able to focus. not on cooking, not on art projects, and saddest of all, not on reading. i want to blame the news, and maybe that's part of it (january 6 made everyone so much more jittery!), but maybe it's also just a little bit of malaise. you know, that feeling of, "how can i make today different from yesterday?" that imbues the days from the moment you awake.

but back to the books. i have a wealth of them, and i feel so lucky. but why am i not reading them?? on my very long walks on weekends, i plan routes that take me past little free libraries so i can peek inside and see what surprises await. and i take home yet more books. is this a sort of quarantine nesting situation (i thought i already went through that)? i so wish i could lose myself in a book right now. so often, when i am outside and i wonder about the lives of others, i think, i want more of that. and i turn to books, which are great for getting involved in others' lives from a distance. this may sound odd, but i think i'm not that much of an outlier here. lately, all i want is to be near other people, to hear their conversations, to be a fly on the wall in their kitchens and dining rooms. i want to feel surrounded by what other people are thinking and discussing in real life, not on the internet. i want to feel less alone in my house. 

so there you have it. it all comes down to wanting to commune with neighbors and friends and even strangers, i guess. in person.

but i'm treating this as a phase. i know i'll get my bookish feet back under me. for now, i look lovingly (and longingly) at the books i am laying by to read when the moment comes. here are a few:

        + the best of me // david sedaris

        + the underground railroad // colson whitehead

        + milkman // anna burns

        + women at work, vol. ii // the paris review 

besides the above, there are plenty of rereads i want to indulge in as well, like persepolis (marjane satrapi's famous graphic novel) and bel canto (from that master of fiction, ann patchett). honestly, writing about these is making me want to slam this laptop shut and tuck into one of these this minute.

after all, winter is such a good time to hibernate with your books around you. covid winter? even more so. we can't escape, so let's escape... into a story. so corny. and yet so necessary.

good luck in getting over whatever blocks are giving you guff at the moment. i'm right there with you.

PS // i only link to independent bookstores or indiebound, because they are the best resource any neighborhood or city can have when it comes to buying books! please support your local bookstore if you have one. they need you. ❤︎